Single, Actually

In I am... on June 15, 2010 at 3:30 pm

The DO’s and DON’Ts of a successful singleton?!@&*

Ok I confess, I’ve been a serial monogamist. I’ve fallen smitten, cosied up for winter and disappeared for weeks, I’ve done it.  But while those winters can be warm, I’m looking forward to having some wind in my hair.
Being single in your twenties is what I see as being in the driving seat and if you’re a bad driver, you’ll need a crash course pronto. The first point of call is the revving of the engine to get your confidence high.

Confidence is key and you aren’t really going to get out of your neighbourhood without it.

We have mostly witnessed a singleton or two lacking this key ingredient in action. You can spot her having lost the plot somewhere between investing in a plastic micro mini-skirt and flirting with anything that moves. Later she’s seen draped over him, once a proud hunter, recently dumped and now a blind-drunk hazard.

A word of caution: when you are single, that’s exactly what it means. You are the one that has to take care of you– so be in control.

I’m a believer that it’s actually easier to be a confident and independent twenty-something female as a singlegirl than it is to be one pulling on a man’s coat tails. Less likely to wobble in six-inch heels because we’ve learnt to walk in them alone, there is no being hurried along and no disputes over direction. Certainly you shouldn’t see any harm in dating, but do we really want to pursue unless it’s the real thing? Until given real reason to make room in life for a co-pilot, we are  enjoying the new places, new friends, new culture, new goals.

While there is no set formula for being a singleton, one might use the time wisely to improve on ones credentials.

Messy Nessy Chic chooses to enlighten her senses by taking full advantage of the culture in her grand London metropolis…

Grace Kelly - click to go to exhibition website

Do see the Grace Kelly: Style Icon exhibition on at the V&A until mid September. Don’t go to the Science Museum–it’s outdated and caters for school children; not for seekers of a chic afternoon at the museum.

I have a funny habit of wandering into old churches if I have a few minutes to spare. Really quite odd, yes, but the amount of history, nostalgia and architectural prowess in London’s average  church rarely fails to shut down my thoughts and leave me in  quiet awe. We all need a peaceful five-minute escape from the noise of life to gather our thoughts. Don’t be shy if you aren’t religious or of the religion, they’re all pretty much open to the public like free, unchaperoned historical sites.

Do be open to the avant-garde. I was recently taken to an overly arty-looking Italian-language film called Io sono l’amore (I am Love), starring Tilda Swinton, which pleasingly turned out to be the best piece of cinema I had seen all year. Monitor the film listings at the Curzon, Everyman and Picture house cinema groups for some seriously stunning independent movie releases. Don’t hit the cinema to catch the third installment of that comic book franchise with the family pack of M&M’s, large popcorn and supersized cokes. Ladies, what have you learned? That M&M’s make you depressed, that’s right.

Do arrange social engagements to fill up an empty week and remember that you aren’t the only one who wants to dine where the atmosphere is ripe. Recently a small group of us decided on dinner at buzzy sushi spot Roka for Friday evening. Rounding up the troops, SixFootBlonde called the restaurant to reserve as early as Tuesday– we got in by the skin of our teeth.

Don’t plan entire blueprints of your nights out. Ensure you have some options and let the night progress naturally and without too much effort. Standing longer than twelve minutes in a queue outside a nightspot is unacceptable. Do try new places and go out of your comfort zone. Keep magazine supplement restaurant/ bar guides, circle places that catch your eye and get a little expedition going. From a mention in the Tatler restaurant guide last month, I hauled myself over to E2 for a very special evening at the roof terrace of Tom Conran’s The Boundary.

The Boundary, E2, London- click image for Boundary website

Does this look like London or rather a Greek island beach club at first glance? Get out of your borough and you may find something well worth hopping across town for.

Do have a theme song–as a regular reminder of your personal high, all week long. Don’t make your choice from Mariah’s Carey’s greatest love songs.

The iPad : Invest and be inspired with new creative tools

Do get your goals in check. If you’re newly single, there is a huge window here to take a leap and make changes in every aspect of your life. Being very good at something is always attractive to the opposite sex. Pursue hobbies or career paths that you have been yearning to explore but have never felt independent or driven enough to really take the necessary steps to follow through.

Don’t be a slave to the system.

Sophia Loren and Jayne Mansfield

If you already succeed in being fabulous and single (so cliche, so Sex & the City, I know) do be aware of the little green eyed monsters, particularly amongst your social circle.

Those not sharing a similarly positive experience may be intimidated by your zealous nature and harbor some jealousy. Don’t panic but don’t let them drift too far either. Schedule days to stay in sync with friends both new and old, whether it be doing errands together or grabbing a bite at the cheap and cheerful local brasserie. Not everyone feels like a million dollars everyday and we all get down. What you can do is offer your support and understanding and perhaps a sprinkle of your magic  singleton dust.

Don’t be a single bitch. I’ve seen one too many pretty, single girls turn very ugly in a matter of seconds as I watch them cut-off hopeful conversation-starters in a most cruel manner. Even if they couldn’t be further from your desired type, when a guy has bravely found the courage to say hello nicely, always respond with a kind smile. He asks your name? Oh, just give it to him! What’s the worst that could happen?  You might just make a new friend. Be constantly open to new people and what they have to offer.

The singleton memoires continue…

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