What Girls Talk About

In I am... on November 26, 2010 at 6:35 am

I love girl chats fuelled by red wine. Ground-breaking theories about boys suddenly come flowing out of us as if we’re brainstorming for a self-help book and after two bottles, we’re agreeing quite seriously that psychiatry is clearly the profession we need to be in. The previous evening, curled up on armchairs on the sixth floor of a Saint Germain apartment block, fellow London Girl In Paris and I had an epic tête a tête, which I’m going to try to remember at least some parts of because I recall thinking at the time that it was all ideal blog material… (just roll with me on this one)…

Of course our third-party member was a laptop which rested on the remaining chair with Facebook open and Spotify streaming. We began our discussion with an in-depth look at LondonGirl’s dilemna over a noncommittal boy. Noncommittal boy had been noncommittal and highly confusing for over a year. Now he was in Paris for a few nights only, rubbing his noncommittalness in her face once again. Noncommittals– also known as bad boys, commitment-phobes or musicians. “Why do we chase after them? The unattainable,” LondonGirl sighs as she poured herself more wine. It’s a question that has no doubt been raised in every girl talk either of us have ever had. We both know it’s a rhetorical question and the answer needs only one word: masochism [whispered].


Personally, I noticed my habit of chasing noncommittals increased as technology improved and courtship went digital. With a quick but unstoppable descent into a deep and troubled dependency of mobile instant messaging (laptop or blackberry), I failed to notice, or didn’t care to object to all my ideals of romance flying out the window. Only recently have I begun to notice how incredibly unnatural it is to have entire live conversations with people, without seeing, hearing or being in reach of them. The amount of miscommunication, false hope and other problems incurred when technology is mixed with dating is endless. Endless I tell you.

At this moment LondonGirl and I break out into a mini fit of giggles, trying to imagine ourselves in seventeenth-century corset dresses, desperately awaiting the horseman to deliver ink-written letters from boys. We wouldn’t have lasted five minutes.

Next, I offer an insight that my mother had once presented to me when she sensed my struggle of coming to terms with a previous commitment-phobe that had made his way onto my radar. In a very matter of fact tone, sitting across from me at the kitchen table, she said, ‘If a guy doesn’t fall head over heels for you at the beginning and doesn’t do everything in his power to make you his, then he’s just not for you.’ It seems a bit corny but why not? Why not give into the notion that to be with someone it should be effortless, natural and that there should be an innate and mutual desire to simply not be apart. And if there isn’t, move on.

“I suppose there’s no point in having the conversation or in asking ‘where is this going,’” reaffirms my Parisian friend.

I try another perspective and start on a tangeant influenced by a full-bodied 2009 Clos de Vigneau that went something like this.

“When it comes to him calling you his girlfriend or vice versa, I’ve come to realise that the concept  is really nothing more than a social status, invented by people who probably felt the need to publicly claim their uncommittal partners. If you were stuck on a desert island with a guy, you wouldn’t need to announce to the palm trees that you were girlfriend and boyfriend, you would just be.”


LondonGirl agrees that social statuses hold little weight in modern dating and recalls a couple she knows in which neither party is particularly faithful to one another, however on Facebook, they are tagged in eachother’s relationship statuses and countless photo albums paint them as the picture of happiness for all to see.

Before the evening comes to end, we have devised a master plan of how LondonGirl should play out the next few days of noncommittal boy’s Parisian visit. In short, the plan is to keep it casual and without expectation, but somehow, when you spend that much time discussing how to keep it casual and without expectation, it doesn’t seem quite so casual and void of expectation.

Girls. We’ll never learn.

Imagery by


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