The Stuff Women Have to Deal With

In I am... on July 5, 2011 at 8:48 am

This Was the Crappy Dating Advice that was Available to Ladies in the 1930s:

This has to be the quote of the day: “For when a man dances, he wants to dance”.

Well alrighty then!

Remember ladies! Don’t tug at your girdle! 

So to sum it up….. Shut up and look pretty.


This is What 365 Days worth of Makeup Looks Like


Decoding Boy Texts…

Texting Scenario 1: Fast Food Delivery

 U still out? I’m hanging with a friend, need an escape plan.

Girl: [Jumping for joy, he actually wants to join me out and even meet my friends] : I’m at the pub [insert exact address here], Come! 

Boy: Okay, so when you’re done, you should come to mine. I’ll leave the door unlocked [insert exact address here], come find me in my cosy bed.

Decoded: He’s counting on the fact that you’ll be boozed up enough so that you won’t actually notice how insulting and lazy his invitation really is. At this point, he’s pretty certain you like him a lot, possibly enough for you to forgo all sense and logic and be on his doorstep faster than a Domino’s Pizza. Get out while you still can. 


Texting Scenario 2: The Morse Code Boy

Boy: Hey!!!!!!!!!!……… Nessy 🙂  😉  :* ……………….. I was thinking……………….what are you doing…………. 2nite?

Girl:  No reply

Decoded: Every one of those ridiculous punctuation marks represents a moment of awkward silence you would have on a date with him. Time is precious, don’t bother.


Texting Scenario 3: The delusional boy that thinks he’s already seen you naked but never, ever will. 

Boy: Hey Sexy, how’s that body?

Girl: No answer.


Decoded: He sent this to about fifteen other girls (none of which replied). He’s also currently auditioning for reality shows such as The Bachelor.


Texting Scenario 4: Eurotrash talker

Boy: Ciao! Ca Va?! What are you doing tonight bella? 

Girl: Erm. I think you have the wrong number.

Decoded: Don Juan thinks he’s foreign (maybe his grandmother is). He just looks like someone that could sell olive oil/ hair gel for a living, and therefore thinks he should be spewing this crap all over his texts. He’ll be a cheese ball all his life. 


Texting Scenario 5: Never Gives Up, Talks to Himself

Boy: Well hello there!

[A few days later]

Boy: Hey, what are you up to?

[A week later]

Boy: What’s up!?

[Another week later]

Boy: So, when am I gonna see you?

[A month later]

Boy: Hey, long time!

[Several months later]

Boy: How’s it going girl?

[One year later]

Boy: Hey, I’m at a party! Wish you were here!

[New Year’s Eve]

Boy: Hey, wanna hang?

Decoded: Rather than taking a hint, eventually he might assume you died. If you’re lucky.

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