Stuff That Scared the Crap out of Me as a Kid. Plus! 15 Unique Ideas for a Halloween Feast.

In I am... on October 28, 2011 at 11:32 am

Before we get started and jump into the Halloween spirit of the MessyNessy Halloween special, I’d like to address an important and serious issue this year….

A sick and twisted Halloween practice is occurring more and more frequently every year, poisoning our  society and inflicting cruelty on our most beloved. I urge the perpetrators to end their barbarity and show mercy on these poor souls.

Enough is enough!

While it may send even the most vigorous animal rights campaigners into fits of giggles when seeing these cute, furry animals dressed up as princess fairies, Batmans or Katy Perrys, this year MessyNessy is taking a stand! Can’t you see how humiliated these animals feel? Not only are they ashamed of themselves but clearly, they’re even more ashamed of their owners for being stupid enough to spend so much money purchasing a pet costume from an online shop, two months in advance.

I’ve found some footage of this cruel practice in action. The culprits involve a talk show host named Wendy and a certified ‘Pet Stylist’ whose family must be gleaming with pride for the career path she has taken.

Is it not time this horror came to an end?

Reportedly this year’s most popular costume duo for a pet owner and their pet is the “Prince William and Kate Middleton”. Let me just say one thing to those that plan to be “on-trend” this Halloween. If you’re planning to dress as the Prince William to your furry little Kate Middleton: perhaps you should take a long hard look at your life. Perhaps it’s time to join that local social group to meet some new people. When you’re trying to squeeze a polyester white lace dress onto your animal (don’t forget the veil), perhaps it’s time you stop and think about what you’re doing, not only to your pet, but to yourself.

Support the cause and post as your Facebook Status: I’d Rather Go Naked than Dress Up as a Halloween Duo with my Pet


Stuff That Scared the Crap out of Me as a Kid

1. Witches

Roald Dahl’s The Witches, one of the most traumatizing child books ever to be written. Bald-headed  and badly dressed old women, meeting for tea and coffee– it took me years not to be convinced that mother’s meetings weren’t in fact ceremonious wig-removing mini-conventions organized by the grand high witch.

Then came along The Craft in 1996 to re-direct my witch suspicions to high school introverts and lesbians.

Oooh that Nancy witch was baaad.


2. Learning About the Black Death in History Class

Does anyone else agree with me in saying this was a slightly gruesome, if not traumatizing part of history class that perhaps would have been more suitable for children over the age of ten?

Granted, Europe has a bloody history, but Miss Lucy, do you think you could have gone a little lighter on the details of the skin lesions?

I was still watching the Care Bears…

From this ↑  to this ↓ ?


3. Willy Wonka and his Umpa Lumpas

I don’t think this one needs much explanation. Willy… (is that his first name?) was clearly one serious pervert and as for those Umpa Lumpas… wrong is so many ways.

3. Count Ducula 

The cob-web infested house, Igor’s purple droopy eye-lids and the housekeepers suspicious permanently broken arm– it was all too gloom and doom for a little child to be watching on a Saturday morning. Not to mention the fact that Count Ducula himself was a totally imbalanced cartoon being.


4. Jurassic Park’s Velociraptor 

Clever, clever monsters that knew how to open steel doors and find you hiding in a state of the art oven. The Tyrannosaurus Rex was a cuddly teddy compared to these guys.

Still worried someone might find a mosquito fossil carrying a velociraptor’s blood, decide it’s a good idea to start cloning velociraptors? Suffer from nightmares that they will inevitably make their way into your apartment and find you hiding in the oven? Join the club.


5. The Ouija Board

I really, really believed that spirit was spelling out the letters of his name.


6. Vampires: Pre-Twighlight

Before that pasty Edward Cullen turned vampires into contenders for ‘torso of the month’, those blood suckers were the real deal. Buffy the Vampire Slayer (the original movie) featured chase scenes to rival any hair-raising zombie movies today. (Zombies are the new vampires after all).


7. Nickolodeon’s Are You Afraid of the Dark?

Remember the horror/ fantasy-themed anthology series that you raced home from school to watch in sheer terror with your after-school snack.

Worst episode hands down– the possessed clown-doll episode.


8. Cluedo

“Miss Scarlett stabbed Mr. Plum (40 times) in the study with the dagger”.

Warning: Not Suitable For Children Under 3 Years Due to Small Parts.

Really? Four years old is old enough to be imagining possible murder scenarios? Are you sure about that?


15 Unique Ideas for a Halloween Feast!

 If you Can’t Get Your Hands on a Pumpkin/ Can’t Be Bothered to Carve One…. Here are Your Decorating Alternatives:

Bell peppers or oranges: Less expensive and much less messy to carve.

Offer your guests a pumpkin shaped crudité!


Serve Your Party Guests Some Gruesome looking Grub! 

Doesn’t that guacamole look appetizing?!

Witch finger-food! Here’s the recipe for the real deal or just slice some almonds and stick them on top of carrots for your dips!

(You can count on MessyNessy to always provide you with the lazier option)

Add some slithery liquorice sticks to your cocktails or into your punch bowl…

Strategically place the cheese and olives onto your mini-pizzas for the Egyptian zombie effect.

Mashed Boo-tatoes!

Use a pastry bag to pipe mashed potatoes into ghosts and add sesame seeds for eyes.

Use Oreo cookies to turn your desserts into spooky-looking creatures…

Choco-fi your round tea biscuits or sandwiches with the letters R.I.P. for a doomed dessert!

Happy Halloween MessyNessy Readers!

Before you go, let’s just take a look at the winning costume from last year’s MessyNessy Costume Ideas… 

And remember to support the cause by posting as your Facebook status: I’d Rather Go Naked than Dress Up as a Halloween Duo with my Pet

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