10 Reasons Why Bloggers Can’t Behave

In I am... on November 18, 2011 at 1:05 pm

When people don’t like what I have to say on my blog, I tend to get that same look on my face as the great Willy Wonka himself, yes that’s it, like the one above. So I took a little backlash on my last blog entry, Err, Dude, Your Girlfriend is Most Probably Cheating on You. The funny thing is that in the world of blogging, we thrive on controversy. It gets our blood running again (we don’t get much exercise) and it means we’ve done our job. A great post can only be measured by the level of controversy caused….

Perhaps this might explain a few things…

10 Reasons Why Bloggers Can’t Behave

1. We work from home, alone, without supervision.

2. We function on unusually high sugar-levels.

( Constant access to the snack cupboard)

3. We work freely online which comes with all it’s delightful distractions.

4. Most literary types hate us anyway so we figure we might as well just piss them off even more with informal speak and crappy grammar.

5. We are slaves to the art of “key words”.

We tend not to bother too much with who we might offend, as long as our attention-grabbing article titles will get us thousands and thousands of blog hits. We depend on commonly searched words to send Google traffic to our sites. We are in essence, no less evil than Darth Vader and melodramatic headline-writing is our evil craft.

6. We can’t steal other people’s photos all the time, so sometimes we have to actually go out and take photos of the random shit we blog about.

And since the only time we usually leave the house is when someone invites us out to do something, we’ll make you stand and wait awkwardly while we take a million pictures of someone’s quirky shoe lace or something else really awesome, like a door (yep, I actually did an entire post on doors).

7. Most of us have no financial backing and so we have nothing to lose.

We can trash-talk as much as we want about people like this…

and places like this…

(even though we frick’n love spending hours in Starbucks with our laptops, not paying for coffee)

8. We have no other choice but to make a lot of noise.

Remember, people can decide whether they like a website or not within five seconds. Well actually, I don’t really know how long it takes, I just wanted you to think I had cool stats and stuff. But my point is, bloggers need to be an extreme version of ourselves at all times so that in a short space of time, you can either conclude that you love us or you hate us.

If you met us in person, you’d probably find we’re the shyest person in the room.

9. Visitor stats have driven us to be socially inept.

The only thing we think about is our blog statistics. Every new person we meet is a possible statistic to recruit.

But truth be told, what we fail to remember is that less is more. It’s ‘quality not quantity’ or whatever crap they feed you in school to teach you morals. If I subscribed to one of those traffic-boosting sites and ended up with 50,000 followers a day, I would no doubt crumble under the pressure. I would no longer feel comfortable enough to share things like the ‘Cute puppy vs an ice cube’ video of the day, and inevitably the quality of my work would deteriorate along with the loss of my innocence.

Remember bloggers, don’t grow an audience, grow your own audience.

10. We tell it like it is.

We don’t use extra fluff ball words to skirt around the issue like The Daily Mail does, everyday of it’s miserable existence. We’re brash, straight to the point and we deliver it with nothing but the brutal truth.

Our aim is to break the mould by not being average and by not being cowardly.

And little Jerry was no coward.

  1. Wtf? is it only me who make comments on your blog? Im starting to feel like a stalker here. 😛

    Oh well..
    Just got to think about this article on the subject of people getting annoyed or irritated from what theyve read online..

    Keep up the good work!

    • Oh David, if only people were more like you! I don’t know how to encourage people to comment on here rather than via the social networks. oh well, poo. Hopefully when they new re-design goes live sometimes next month, people will be more inclined to comment in the shiny new visible comment box.
      And please, Keep up the stalking!! 😉

  2. I’ve just started blogging and I can really relate to point 9. I’m becoming addicted to checking my stats! I’m a big fan of your blog by the way, your posts always make me smile 🙂

  3. Ill do my best to keep up the stalking! 😀 Ive actually refered to your blog twice, to friends who have travelled to Paris, so im trying to spread the gospel! 😉

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